Inner Child…

I had a conversation with someone the other day and it really connected my “why.” I will keep this short and hopefully, if you are searching for something, you will find hope in the fact that it is right in front of you…

Art offers me things that my inner child longs for…

I find myself painting a picture and immediately, I send photos of the picture to one of my parents (I have three) or my grandparents (I have four). I find myself painting things that I know they will appreciate, hand-delivering them like my own children hand-deliver their beautiful gifts to me. I feel so much happiness when they tell me that they are proud of me or that they think my art is something special. I will always make sure that I dote on my children for their beautiful gifts because at 40 years old, I can only imagine what a boost it is for my babies.

I believe that my inner child grows a little more when I know they are proud of me. Little Lauren shows up a little more and doesn’t crumble the paper or think about the ugly parts of the paintings. Art allows me to express myself in ways that my younger mind needed to, but couldn’t. I see the beauty that art has brought into my life, through years of trauma and self-induced pain. Art allows people to express themselves in ways that words would never allow. It allows the hurts and the happiness to show up in ways that no one could ever replicate in the way that you first created it.

I see it more and more as I have opened the doors to my art studio. Women in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, and beyond, walk through the doors, in search of something that they can do for themselves. We are all searching for something in life that can give us what we need. In the chaotic business of the everyday, the responsibilities of motherhood, the sickness, the family obligations, and keeping everyone fed, educated, clothed, clean, and running… it is incredible to have this gift that no one can take away from me. This talent that I have found again, the one that the little girl in me found so many years ago but hung up time and time again, thinking it wasn’t good enough. This God-given gift that years ago, let me escape from things that I couldn’t control. What a comfort it is, to that little girl inside of me to not only pick it up again…but to be able to introduce it to others… that inner child grows more, yes. But, she also heals.

Find that in yourself and hold it tight. Make time for it. And if God allows the door to open, go through it.

The Art of Balance…

The art of balance is truly an art. But, just like art, it is truly possible. I am far from perfect, so please don’t think that I am making that claim. As I have aged a little and successfully raised one child to adulthood with three others going through elementary school, I juggle a lot. Not only am I raising these wild ones, I am also their teacher, I teach 6th grade part-time, I run an art program and studio, I am wrapping up my own schooling, and I manage to find some time for self-care. Am I tooting my own horn? Maybe, a little. I acknowledge that God has given me these precious gifts and it is my responsibility to handle them with care, that includes myself.

I was talking with a great friend this morning and proudly exclaimed, “BALANCE IS HERE!” For a couple of weeks now, I fell out of balance with the things that were my “norm.” First, let me say that my norms change…a lot. I am far from normal and I realize this. However, the things that I was most used to doing made me feel as though I was being neglectful in this new season. As it turns out, though, God was just making me refocus. That’s all. He knew the things that were important to me and just wanted me to take some time to refocus and prepare for the future.

Sometimes, when we are lost in the moments of the chaos of the every day, it can seem as though we are being neglectful of the life that we feel we should be living. There were days when I WANTED to do things that I thought were self-care and I would beat myself up for not getting them done. Working out, putting my own time constraint on a task, trying to force things to happen that weren’t what God wanted for me at that time…didn’t force me to get these things done. It forced me to grow impatient and easily agitated. It forced me to think about these things on repeat when I could have focused on the now and been satisfied with what was going on at that time. The things that deserved my whole focus.

“Balance will come when you follow your principles and prioritize His plans.”

Sometimes, it seems unfair that this is the only life that we have to live and we learn these lessons so late in our lives. But every lesson learned is so purposeful. Being still in these moments, allowing ourselves some grace, getting excited about life, laughing at ourselves, it is all so that God can use us at our full potential. He cancels out the bad in our lives to bring us through the good. Even when things aren’t “bad”, perhaps we are just sitting in a place where God doesn’t want us, letting Him do the work in our lives to bring us to the place we are supposed to be…BEAUTIFUL. And even more beautiful, He can change our circumstances to make it happen so many times in our lives if we will just be still.

I am here to tell you, that balance is an art. And, just like art, we should keep pushing through that piece to see how it turns out and then admire the beauty in what God has created. Finding yourself in a place of happiness, surrounded by people who lift you up, help you build, and appreciate you is worth it. It is worth it every time.